Not Exactly
by reddragoncrp
Summary: Not Exactly, the two words that gave SJ fans hope. My take on how that line came to be. SJ
1. Chapter 1

**NOT EXACTLY**

_A/N I don't Stargate or any of the characters. If I did a lot of things would be different. For one thing there would no killing of doctors, except maybe McKenzie. Anyway, I'm making no money from this. I got the idea for this from the two word line that gave hope to all of us SJ fans._

Doctor Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter woke up in incredible pain. The type of pain you get from a Go'ould ribbon shot to the head. With any kind of luck she was going to die, soon, and be out of her misery.

Soon something began to actually override the pain and that was the need to pee, really badly. With a groan she tried to roll over to get up, only to discover that she was being held in place. Trying to assess her surroundings as best she could through the pain and without opening her eyes least she give herself away to an enemy she began to slowly take inventory of herself.

No apparent injuries other than a possible concussion, which explain the headache. She came to realize that she was naked and she wasn't alone. When she tried to move an arm pulled her closer.

_Crap, where the hell am I and who the HELL am I with? It had better NOT be Pete. No way could I ever get that drunk. There isn't enough alcohol in the galaxy for me to get that drunk. Please God, don't let it be Pete._

She cracked open her eyes only to quickly shut them again. _Damn, that hurt._ Opening them again only a slit she looked at the arm draped over her waist and the hand pressed against her stomach.

_Definitely not Pete, THANK GOD!!! The hand is to big and leaner. Uh…the arm hairs are kind of grey. Grey…no wait…GRAY, no freaking way._

Finally the need to pee became so great she had to swallow her panic and slowly, as to try to not wake her companion up, she turned to her back and looked to the side to be greeted to the sight of stubble faced, sleeping, newly promoted Major General Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill.

Samantha Carter, perhaps the greatest mind on two galaxies, saver of Earth (several times no less) head of research at Area 51, said the only thing that came to mind.

"OH, SHIT!"


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

_Previously: "OH SHIT!"_

Jack didn't even move. Sam tried to quietly slip out of bed so as not to wake him. No such luck. He pulled her tighter to him and rubbed his face on her shoulder sighed softly and settled back down with a soft smile.

While being appalled at the situation she also thought he was adorable. Be that as it may she had to get to the bathroom, NOW!

"Sir," she said softly while trying to extradite herself. Nothing. "General," a little louder, finally, "JACK!"

"What?" He winced and screwed his eyes shut. "Jeez, Carter, did you have to yell?"

"Apparently."

"Huh?" He opened his eyes and looked at her confused.

"I have to go the bathroom."

"So, what's stopping you?"

Jack looked down to where his arm was draped over her. Then he leaped away like she was on fire, thereby falling off the side of the bed.

Sam took this opportunity to grab the sheet and make a hasty retreat to the bathroom. As she was crossing the room he said, "Carter you're naked!"

She stopped for a moment and turned a laser beam glare at him, "so are you!" She went into the bathroom and slammed the door. She sure had the "looks that could kill," down. Why couldn't she have used that on the Go'ould or better yet the Ori?

Jack look down at himself and sure enough he was naked. _Dams, damn, damn, what in the Hell happened?_ He quickly jumped up, stopping for a moment to grab his head. _Jesus, with any luck I'm going to die_, hopefully before she comes out. He quickly grabbed a pair of pants that had obviously been thrown across the room. Looking around the room there were clothes tossed every where. _This is SO not good._

In the bathroom Sam took care of her immediate need and splashed water on her face. When she was patting her face dry she glanced in the mirror and spotted a ring on her left hand. She stared at her hand in horror. _No way, please tell me there is no way…_Sam racked her brain, she got a few flashes of…kissing…and touching…TOUCHING!_ Holy shit!_

In the bedroom Jack was sitting on the bed trying to remember also. He remembered soft skin that smelled wonderful and felt better and tasted…tasted, _crap_, and a breast, definitely a breast. It occurred that Carter…Sam was in the bathroom, naked! His little airman sprang to attention. He looked down in horror. She was SO going to kill him, and by God he deserved it.

Sam cracked open the bathroom door and said, "Umm, Sir?"

Jack's head snapped up and said, "Carter, SAM, under the circumstances I really REALLY need for you to call me Jack."

"Umm…Jack…umm…do you…umm…"

"Forcryinoutloud,would you spit it out already?"

"Doyouhavearingonyourlefthand?"

"Huh?"

She hit her head on the doorframe, "do you have a ring on your left hand?"

He looked at the crack in the door in confusion for a minute and when he finally processed what she said he looked down at his left hand. When it finally dawned on him what he was seeing he gaped at his own hand like it was holding a symbiote.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. Do you?"

"Oh, boy!"

"I'm taking that as a yes?"

"Yes, S..Jack."

"S'Jack is that like a Jaffa name? Or maybe Vulcan?" Sometimes his mouth just ran and didn't engage his brain AT all.

Sam whipped open the door and stood there with the sheet gathered in front of her and glared at him. "This is not the time for your so called sense of humor!"

Jack thought he should probably be insulted but the only thing his brain was processing was Carter standing there in nothing but a sheet.

"WELL?"

He looked at her confused, "what?"

:"You are such a...such a guy!" Sam stomped over to what she recognized as her suitcase and got some clean clothes and headed back to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower! When I'm in there order some coffee." She slammed the door again.

A few seconds later she snatched it open again to glare at him, "this is all your fault!"

Jack sat glumly on the bed, there was no doubt in his mind that it was his fault.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Jack heard the shower and is mind immediately when to a naked Carter, naked wet Carter. A memory popped into his head. They had showered together! The little airman was at attention again. _Damn it, stop that!_

To distract himself he got up and started examining the hotel room, He opened a drawer in the desk and found stationary with the Bellagio Las Vegas letterhead. _Well that answered one question._

He spotted a piece of paper on the top of the dresser and went over and picked it up just as Sam came out of the bathroom. He looked over at her and said, "umm…" gesturing to her with the paper.

She slowly and reluctantly took the paper to see it was a marriage certificate with both of their signatures on it. Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a minute as many emotions played across their faces.

What do you remember?" Sam asked.

"Bits and pieces."

"Such as?"

"Umm…your bits… an pieces...I'm going to go …shower."

Blushing she nodded and he hurried into the bathroom.

Sam sat at the desk, still in shock. _Holy Hannah! I'm married, to Jack!_ She was incredibly happy until she remembered the regs. Wait a minute, she was now stationed at Area 51 and Jack hadn't reported to his new job as head of Home World Security. The regs didn't apply!

But what if Jack only married her because he was drunk? Maybe he didn't really want to be married to her.

Just as Jack was coming out of the bathroom there was a knock at the door. She hurried over to open it to a waiter delivering Jack's order.

"Good morning Mrs. O'Neill!"

"Umm...good morning."

"I'll just set this up on the table. Your wedding DVD was delivered so I took the liberty of bringing it up with breakfast. I thought you would to want to watch it."

Jack signed the check adding a generous tip, "that was very thoughtful, thanks."

"You're very welcome Mr. O'Neill."

Jack let the waiter out and locked the door. "Do you want to?" he asked referring to the DVD.

Sam chewed her bottom lip and finally said, "I think we better, it could answer a lot of question."

Jack poured them both coffee offered her some toast, that was all the food he ordered because he had a LOT of experience with hangovers. After getting some of the toast himself he popped the DVD in the player.

They watched in utter silence occasionally cutting their eyes to the other to watch their reaction.

They looked SO happy but they also looked more than a little drunk. Though not nearly as drunk as Daniel. Yes Daniel and Teal'c were there too.

"Who's idea was it to let Spacemonkey get that wasted?"

She snickered and they both relaxed a little. After the Justice of the Peace pronounced them man and wife Jack had dipped her into a deep kiss.

"Wow, smooth S'Jack!"

Well, I did have practice."

She looked at him confused.

_Woops! Well it's not like she would get any more pissed._ "Uh, the time loop?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "what did you do?"

"I kind of handed Hammond my resignation and kissed you like that…in the gate room."

Sam's eyes got really wide, "what if the time loop hadn't reset its self?"

"Uh, we'd have been married for a few years already?"

She blushed and gave him a little smile.

"Carter, obviously we were drunk, you know not in our right minds, we can have this thing annulled."

The total look of hurt on her face made him realize that he had REALLY screwed that one up. "NO! I mean I'll let you out of this if you want to. I mean…CRAP! Not me, you know how I feel!"

"No, I don't know how you feel!"

"Don't you remember the Zanex testing?"

"That was years ago!"

"But I still feel the same, more so."

"Really, than why do you want an annulment?"

I don't, not really. I was just giving you a way out. Why would you want to be stuck with a beat up washed old solder like me?"

She looked at him tenderly and reached up and cupped his face with her hand, "because I love you, dummy."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Sweet!" and he bent over and kissed her.

"And you know what else?"

"No what?"

"Because I'm at Area 51 and you haven't reported to the Pentagon yet we didn't break any regs!"

"So you want to give this a shot?"

"Yeah, I do, but I really wish I remembered last night."

"Me, too, but we can recreate it!"

She swatted his arm before she leaned in and kissed him.

In a nearby room Daniel Jackson awoke to a horrible headache and what sounded like a television paying softly nearby. He groaned and opened his eyes just a crack. "Teal'c?"

"DanielJackson "

"Where are we?"

"We are in a hotel in Las Vegas."

"We…umm…didn't get married did we?"

Teal'c raised his eyebrow, highly amused, "we did not."

"Thank God!"

"Indeed." Still amused he continued, "you did, however, kiss O'Neill….On the mouth."

Daniel looked at him to see if he was joking and he didn't think so:yuck!"

"Indeed, O'Neill was not amused."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

A/N I know it's short but I hope you enjoy.

Jack broke the kiss when he heard a Very drunken Daniel's voice coming from the TV.

"_I'm SO happy for you! I LOOVVEE you guys!"_

They watched in shock as Daniel almost tackled Sam in a hug, only Teal'c's quick reflexes stopped them both from hitting the ground. Then Daniel stumbled back a little and grabbed Sam's face in both hands and kissed her on the mouth.

"Ick."

"Ick? I thought Daniel was such a hunk."

Sam looked at him oddly. "NO! I mean, whenever I'm in the infirmary I always hear the nurses talking about how cute and hunky Daniel is."

"Daniel is like my brother, I wouldn't kiss Mark on the mouth either."

"Good point."

On the TV Daniel turned and grabbed Jack's face just like he had done Sam's and planted one right on mouth.

"Oh, Yuck!"

Sam snorted and said, "I thought you said he was cute and hunky!"

"Not to me! You know to women!"

Jack realized that Sam was teasing him, "I ought to turn you over my knee and spank you."

There was a definite twinkle in his wife's eyes, "I think I'd Like that!"

He smirked, "you're just going to have to erase the thought of Spacemonkey kissing me."

"Really, how will I do that?"

He pulled her to him and proceeded to show her.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Daniel felt like shit. He kept eying Teal'c as he was nursing. He knew Teal'c had made that up about him kissing Jack. At least he was almost positive.

Teal'c was the most entertained he had been in a long time. He knew that Daniel Jackson did not believe him. He was most looking forward to them seeing O'Neill and the interaction of the two.

"DanielJackson when you have showered and changed we shall gather O'Neill for Breakfast."

"I'm good, I'll just change."

Teal'c raised his eyebrow.

"Are you trying to tell I smell bad."

"Indeed."

Daniel sulked into the bathroom and it was all that Teal'c could do not to laugh out loud. Yes, today would be most enjoyable.

Jack had just finished getting dressed again when he heard a knock at the door. He opened it to a highly amused Teal'c and an embarrassed Daniel.

"O'Neill."

"T," he glared at Daniel as he moved aside and motioned them in.

_Crap, could it really be? No, they had to have planned this when I was still asleep._

Just then Sam came out of the bathroom.

"Sam, you're here early."

Sam looked surprised, "Daniel, I slept here."

His mouth dropped open, "YOU DID!!!"

Jack cocked his head at Daniel and said, "Where else would my wife sleep?"

"Wife??"

:"Daniel, what do you remember from last night?"

"Nothing."

_Oh, this was just to good, pay back is a bitch._

Jack clapped him on the shoulder, hard. "Have a seat Spacemonkey."

"Really, Jack this can wait, we are going to go to breakfast."

"Oh, this won't take long and I can't WAIT to show you the wedding DVD!"

Daniel let his head drop to his chest, "there's no getting out of this, is there?"

"Not a chance in hell."

He forced Daniel in a chair right in front of the TV and started the DVD. All eyes were on screen until the kiss at the end then all of them were watching Daniel.

_Oh, God, he was NEVER going to live this down, never, not in millennium. Just shoot me now._

"No offense, Spacemonkey, you are SO not my type."

"Just kill me Jack."

"Don't tempt me."

As they were walking down the hall towards the elevator Jack exchanged a look with Teal'c. "Now, Teal'c here is one hunk of burning love."

"Indeed," Teal'c replied with a huge grin.

"Kill me, please."

"Again?"

Three hardy laughs were heard as the elevator doors closed.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

They had settled into their table in the restaurant and had ordered. The waitress had given them coffee, which Daniel had grabbed like a man in the desert would grab a canteen of water.

"So, Jack, the wedding video is going to settle a lot of bets at the SGC."

Sam looked shocked and stammered, "b...bets?"

Jack thought about it and wasn't really surprised, "Carter…Sam…sorry that's going to take some practice, they're airmen and marines, if they could figure a way to check that wouldn't get them court marshaled or their asses kicked they would bet on what color underwear you are wearing."

Sam turned bright red and stared into her coffee. Jack quirked an eyebrow at Daniel and said, "So, Danny, exactly what kind of bets?"

Daniel was trying to figure out what to day that wouldn't get his ass kicked by either Jack or Sam when Teal'c spoke up.

"Wagers as to how long it would take you and ColonelCarter to become intimate, to marry, the date of the birth of your first child as well as it's sex and name."

Jack and Sam both gaped at him, and they could see that Teal'c was enjoying this entirely to much..

"How long has this been going on?"

"Well, when I got back from Abydos there was already several pools going on."

"It's a good thing that General Hammond didn't know about it,"

"Actually he has several bets down."

Teal'c joined back, "Indeed JacobCarter and Selmac both placed bets on you. President Hayes has also participated."

It took a lot to make Jack speechless but he was not, and Daniel was enjoying not being on the receiving end of the teasing. Teal'c noticed so he continued, "the video could also be used for entirely different wagers."

Jack found his voice for that, "how so, T?"

There are also many wagers as to the possibility of an intimate relationship between yourself and DanielJackson."

If Daniel's jaw wasn't attacked it would have fallen on the floor. He began to open and closing his mouth doing an excellent imitation of a fish.

Sam started giggling causing Jack to whip his head around and say, "what have I said about giggling Colonel?"

"I was a Captain them so it shouldn't still count, besides not that we're married you can't order me around."

"Yeah, Jack now she'll be ordering you around." Daniel realizing that he found his voice, not that he, of all people could not talk for long, turned back to Teal'c.

"What in the HELL are talking about?"

"There has been much speculation as to whom O'Neill was sexually involved, yourself or ColonelCarter. There have even been wagers as to the three of you in a relationship together."

"EEEWWWW", "YUCK", and "ICK," were heard at the same time.

"Why haven't I heard about those?"

"Daniel, don't be stupid, the object of the bet NEVER hears about the bet. It's a law or something."

"Indeed."

"Dad really bet on us?"

"Actually, Sam, I can see that. Near the end Dad and I…talked."

"About us?" Jack nodded and she continued, "yeah, he basically told be I would be happier with you."

"Dad was a smart man." Jack smirked.

While she agreed she couldn't let him get away with that so she smacked him on the arm.

"OOWW, what was that for."

"Better get use to it, Jack."

"Indeed."


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Don't own them, making no money (in SO many ways!)

_a/n: Sorry it's been so long, damn muse abandoned me. And this chapter is short and not effecting the main story but it's something my sick little mind came up with and had to share._

The new Mr. and Mrs. O'Neil, General and Colonel, Doctor and Mr., well you get the point, Jack and Sam were walking on the floor of the casino with their arms around one another. Damn it was good to do that at all but especially in public. Kind of like, take that, to the whole galaxy that kept them apart for so many years.

Anyway, they were walking along when they heard booming laughter from the arcade. Why, the hell did a casino have an arcade anyway?

They looked at one another and Jack spoke, "You know, if I didn't know any better, I would swear that was Teal'c."

His wife, wife that was still SO sweet to think about, raised her eyebrow, "I was just thinking the same thing."

"Well we have to check it out."

They could see Teal'c head over a crowd of children and a very embarrassed Daniel Jackson off to one side. They worked their way through the sea of children to find Teal'c, former First Prime of Apophis, leader of the Free Jaffa, playing Whack-A-Mole with a maniacal grin on his face.

Jack felt his jaw drop open. When he gained control of himself he said, "T, buddy, watcha doing?"

"O'Neil, I am doing battle with this rodent."

Jack turned and looked down at Sam who now had her head buried in his shoulder to try to stifle the laughter.

"Umm…battle?"

"Indeed, the rodent is most cunning but I will be victorious."

Jack cleared his throat and said, "There is no doubt in my mind that you will be "victorious"." His hands had made quotation marks when he said that.

Daniel caught Jack's attention and gestured to the gathered children and Jack took his meaning. "T, don't you think it's time to give others…a chance to do battle with the rodent?"

Teal'c turned and narrowed his eyes at his friend and brother, "I am not done yet."

Both of Jack's eyebrows climbed to his hairline. "Okay…but, Teal'c don't you think the…young warriors need the practice with their reflexes more than you do?"

Teal'c looked thoughtful and turned to examine the sea of young faces behind him. "Perhaps you are correct, O'Neil."

As he stepped several of the young boys shoved ahead to be the first to "do battle with the rodent".

Jack slapped him on the back and said, "come on, T, we'll get lunch and walk down the strip a while and maybe later you can come back for another round.

Teal'c smiled at the prospect and said, "very well."

_a/n: that's it for now, I REALLY hadn't planned on the story going this long but I got such good response that I had to continue. ____ Hopefully I'll have something else soon._


End file.
